When is my turn?

It was one steaming hot afternoon; I was heading home when I suddenly saw two guys at the mall. I thought they are just ordinary friends but my eyes gleamed by what I saw. I noticed that they were holding hands. I suddenly smile when I saw them. They seemed to be proud of what they were doing. I wonder where they were heading. Maybe they are about to go to some place where they could talk or probably eat. Maybe they’ll have a date or whatsoever. But one thing I know for sure, they are together.

I feel very ecstatic and happy whenever I saw two men together having special feelings for each other. I know some friends that are happily together and I often ask them how it started. Well, every one of them tells me their story and to be honest, I really adored each one of them. Also, it was amazing that those stories that you often see on the movie really happens.

As for me, I am still single and I am happy. But I don’t want to be hypocrite. I really wanted to experience the feeling of being in a relationship. How I often wanted to have someone who will restrict me from going out or doing something. I wanted to be with someone who will go out with me and have a dinner or maybe watch a feel good movie. I wanted to have someone who’ll talk to me on the phone for hours, even if I’m just talking about non-sense things. I always wanted to assume that somebody is waiting for me in front of my office building because he will walk me home. How I dreamed of a guy who will comfort me when I’m down and laugh with me when something is funny. I just hate the truth that the delusion of finding that person is really hard.

I have been on my own for 24 years already. I know how it feels to be alone and the worst part is that as time goes by, the feeling is getting worst. I always tell my self, good things come to those who wait. But how long should I wait. I’ve read some stories regarding the reasons for being single. Maybe it is indeed my fault that I am still single because I don’t go out often, I don’t socialize but I don’t know where to start. I mean should I change myself just to be loved? Am I that bad?

I guess I would have to leave it all to destiny (if there is such). So foolish of me, yes. Maybe I’m just confused or maybe I’m better off alone. Or maybe I just have to wait a little more. Well as for now, I am happy to see that people of my gender already had their chance.

As I close the door of my room, lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling, I wonder.. when is my turn?